Understanding Mum

My mother takes some understanding. The best explaination is this conversation I had ten years ago when I bought my own flat.

Even though its been many years the words to this conversation are written here and so easy to recall.

My Mum asked if there was anything I'd like as a house warming present. After a few months of not being able to think of anything (I am difficult to buy for) I admitted there was something I needed. It was an expensive toaster from argos. It cost £99 and was top of the range. I was getting sick of burning toast under the grill as I got ready for work.

So my mum goes to buy this present and gives it to me at Christmas.

I unwrap the present.

Thats when she says "I got you something even better than that"

I unwrapped it and said "What the fuck is this?"

"Its a mini grill. you can do toast in it"

"A mini grill", I was shocked

"Yes you can cook chicken and do toast in the mornings"

"How is this a toaster?"

"You just put bread in it"

"I asked for a toaster so I didn't have to watch the grill in the mornings so you buy me a grill so I have to watch the bread? How is this a toaster?"

"Its better than a toaster"

"NO IT ISN'T"

"yes it is. you can cook chicken in it."

"I put the bread in the toaster. Take a shower and eat my toast as I dash for work. When I put bread under the grill I dont have time to stand and watch it. I already have a fucking grill that burns my bread. HOW IS THIS A TOASTER?"

"Its better than a toaster"

"WHY THE FUCK DID YOU ASK ME WHAT I WANTED WHEN YOU WERE GOING TO BUY ME SOMETHING I ALREADY TOLD YOU I DIDNT WANT."

"It was the same price as the toaster you wanted"

"BUT ITS NOT A TOASTER. "

"Do you want me to take it back to the shop"

"YES. JESUS CHRIST!!!! I DON'T WANT A FUCKING MINI GRILL"

"You are so ungrateful"

"How is buying me what I didn't want ungrateful????"